Discussion Forum - Northstar Chevelle Club

On a bitterly cold winter morning a husband and wife in Wisconsin were
listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say,
"We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your
car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get
through."So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio
announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You
must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the
snowplow can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car
again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio
announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You
must park...."Then the electric power went out.

The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she
said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to
park on so the snowplow can get through?"

Then with the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are
married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied... "Why don't you just
leave it in the garage THIS TIME?

I have a friend who i think is becoming addicted to brake fluid... but he insist he can stop anytime he wants.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

I changed my password to "incorrect," so whenever I forget it the computer will say, "Your password is incorrect."

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive.
When I married Miss Right, I had NO IDEA her first name was Always.

Four Old Retired Geezers
 
 Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Yuma, Arizona. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar- ALL
drinks 10 cents." They look at each other and then go in, thinking, this is too good to be true.
 
The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room,
"Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?"
 
There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini. In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis - shaken, not stirred - and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please."
 

The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 cents, please." They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a dollar yet.
 
Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?"
 
 "I'm a retired tailor from Phoenix," the bartender says, "and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer - it's all the same."

 "Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says.
 As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been here.
 
  Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender, "What's with them?"
 
 The bartender says, "They're retired people from Minnesota.

  They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price !!

Ole a farmer in Minnesota needs a new milk cow, and hears about one for sale over in Nordakota.

That would be North Dakota for you non-Scandahoovians out der.)

He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow.

He reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the tit
and pulls, the cow farts.

Ole is surprised. He looks at the farmer selling the cow, then reaches under the cow to try again.

He grabs another tit, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk does come out however, so after some discussion, Ole buys the cow and takes her home.

He gets back to Minnesota, and calls over his neighbor Jimmy Mooney, and says, "Jimmy, come look at dis ere new cow I yust bought. Pull her tit, and see vat happens."

So Jimmy reaches under, pulls the tit - and the cow farts.

Jimmy looks at Ole and sez, "You bought dis here cow in Nordakota, din'tyah?"

Ole is surprised since he hadn't told Jimmy about his trip.

Ole replies, "Yah, dats right. But how'd yah now?"

Jimmy says, "My wife's from Nordakota."

John D wrote:

---

That one's good... on the edge for our "family friendly" board however.

---

 I think Jimmy meant his wife told him about the cows... ;-)

Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.”

If you’re in Denny’s

and it’s your birthday,

your life sucks!

This kid will be a success don't you think? I would have given him 100%! Each answer is absolutely grammatically correct, and funny too. The teacher had no sense of humor.

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?

*His last battle

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

*At the bottom of the page

Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?

*Liquid

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?

*Marriage

Q5. What is the main reason for failure?

*Exams

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?

*Lunch & dinner

Q7. What looks like half an apple?

*The other half

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become?

*Wet

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping?

*No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?

*You will never find an elephant that has one hand.

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?

*Very large hands.

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?

*No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?

*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

The Goldberg Brothers - The Inventors of the Automobile Air Conditioner

Here's a little fact for automotive buffs, or just to dazzle your friends.
The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Maxwell, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 F degrees.

The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.
Henry was curious and invited them into his office.

They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.

They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 F degrees inside, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off almost immediately.

The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.

The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.

There was no way that Old man Ford was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.

They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.
And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show –









Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max -- on the controls.  

 Tom was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

He knew that he would inherit a fortune once his sickly father died.

Tom wanted two things:

     • to learn how to invest his inheritance and,

     • to find a wife to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.

Two weeks later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men…

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, triple-pane, energy-efficient kind.

Today, I got a call from Home Depot who installed them. The caller complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Just because I'm a Senior Citizen doesn't mean that I am automatically mentally challenged.

So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year --that these windows would pay for themselves in a year---

Hellooooo? It's been a year, so they're paid for, I told him.

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung up.

He never called back.  I bet he felt like an idiot.

Guy walked in a nice restaurant in Texas. The hostess said wait a minute you need a tie to come in here. So he went to his vehicle and looked in his emergency kit and pulled out a set of jumper cables and wrapped them around his neck like a bolo tie and walked back in. She then said...

You can come in but don’t you start anything.

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

And thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Not very many people know this. 

The 3rd strain of the Nile virus is coming.

I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus.

Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one.

It appears to target those who were born prior to 1958.

Virus Symptoms

1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice. (Done that) 

2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail. (That too) 

3. Causes you to send an e-mail to the wrong person. (Yup) 

4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you. (Ah-ha) 

5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment. (Done that) 

6. Causes you to hit SEND before you've finished. (Oh no, not again)

7. Causes you to hit DELETE instead of SEND. (Hate that)

8. Causes you to hit SEND when you should DELETE. (Heck, now what?)

It's called the C-Nile virus! 

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:

1. A Bible.

2. A silver dollar.

3. A bottle of whiskey.

4. A Playboy magazine.

'I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself. "When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up."

"If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be!

"If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too.

"But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be.

"And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer."

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and heading for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired the magazine's centerfold.

"Lord have mercy," the old preacher disgustedly whispered. "He's gonna run for Congress."

Take it or leave it. The Technology is impressive, but the cost(s) don't outweigh the benefits IMO.