1. Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
2. To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
3. A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
4. What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
5. The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
6. Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
7. Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting coefficient of friction. Interrupting coefficient of fri.... mmmuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu (μ)
8. Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
9. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
10. A wife asks her husband, a software engineer... "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!" A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had eggs."
SShink said
May 13, 2014
I tolerate engineers all day long... #6 is hilarious!
John D said
May 13, 2014
I tend to agree with #6...
Derek69SS said
May 13, 2014
SShink wrote:
I tolerate engineers all day long...
That's hard some times...
dashboard said
May 13, 2014
Having just spent the last hour trying to get the drive belt back on my lawn tractor that's just what I needed. While trying to reinstall the belt or get it back on the pulley without being able to see it or feel it for that matter............well makes you think about the engineer that designed it.
So thanks for the laugh John, I'll continue my struggle with the tractor tomorrow.
bowtie said
May 13, 2014
Here's my job in a nutshell:
decide which thing is correct for your car. Bear in mind that some engineer decided one day his job was on the line, so he elected to redesign a perfectly good thing by slightly altering it, therefore necessitating a new part number, an additional supply chain, and more warehouse and shelf space.... welcome to modern vehicle options.
Luckily the vehicle manufacturers are realizing that just because 100 people say they want a specific option doesn't mean that more than 5 will actually cough up the cash and buy it.
Dave Seitz said
May 21, 2014
John,
The glass according to a realist will get spilled and broken,
Engineers will never admit to making any mistakes since they are just making updates or revisions.
A well endowed women was ru7nning around the College Campus looking for a Chemical Engineer, When she finally found one she opened her top exposing her breasts asking,
What is the freezing point of Silicone?
Brian,
I had 77 Pontiac they decided to mix 75/76/77 specific parts in. Yes I actually would need to go to the store with parts in hand and check ALL YEARS! The guys at the parts stores asked how could one car have such and mix of parts in it? I still do not know the answer to that one but guess I was just unlucky.
John D said
May 23, 2014
I've said it before a thousand times, and I'll keep ...
All engineers, architects, and "systems" installers must spend at least 3 years in the field either doing service, or building/installing the products they're interested in. Just because you can draw it doesn't mean it's practical, service-able, or functional.
ron fuller said
May 23, 2014
How about the 33 years I have spent in engineering. I have done it all
1. Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
2. To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
3. A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
4. What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
5. The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
6. Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
7. Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting coefficient of friction. Interrupting coefficient of fri.... mmmuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu (μ)
8. Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
9. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
10. A wife asks her husband, a software engineer...
"Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!" A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had eggs."
I tolerate engineers all day long... #6 is hilarious!
That's hard some times...
So thanks for the laugh John, I'll continue my struggle with the tractor tomorrow.
decide which thing is correct for your car. Bear in mind that some engineer decided one day his job was on the line, so he elected to redesign a perfectly good thing by slightly altering it, therefore necessitating a new part number, an additional supply chain, and more warehouse and shelf space.... welcome to modern vehicle options.
Luckily the vehicle manufacturers are realizing that just because 100 people say they want a specific option doesn't mean that more than 5 will actually cough up the cash and buy it.
The glass according to a realist will get spilled and broken,
Engineers will never admit to making any mistakes since they are just making updates or revisions.
A well endowed women was ru7nning around the College Campus looking for a Chemical Engineer, When she finally found one she opened her top exposing her breasts asking,
What is the freezing point of Silicone?
Brian,
I had 77 Pontiac they decided to mix 75/76/77 specific parts in. Yes I actually would need to go to the store with parts in hand and check ALL YEARS! The guys at the parts stores asked how could one car have such and mix of parts in it? I still do not know the answer to that one but guess I was just unlucky.
I've said it before a thousand times, and I'll keep
...
All engineers, architects, and "systems" installers must spend at least 3 years in the field either doing service, or building/installing the products they're interested in. Just because you can draw it doesn't mean it's practical, service-able, or functional.