Cut and paste from Craigslist:

Engagement ring for trade!!!!

It's a really nice ring. Paid roughly $1,500 for it without the center diamond. The center diamond has been removed. I know I'm asking a lot for it, but I'll need at least some of the following from you - you won't need any of this anymore anyway...

1. Your car - You'll end up buying a mini-van, and you'll have to drive it while she drives the nicer of the two vehicles.
2. Any and all fishing, ice fishing, and hunting equipment - Yeah, you might be able to go occasionally, but your buddies (if you have any left after all this) will have what you need for the weekend. It's also highly likely you'll be unable to go at the last minute.
3. Your old baseball cards - it will be much easier to give them to me than have her constantly telling you that you should sell them in preparation for the upcoming Pier1 sale. Plus, have you ever tried to sell baseball cards? It's stressful, and you will not need more stress.
4. The rights to any and all of your fantasy sports teams - this does not need an explanation.
5. Any gift cards you have to any sports' bars in the metro area - same explanation as the last.
6. Your little black book with phone numbers - please identify which ones are worth calling. I will proceed with caution, you'll never be mentioned, and if she finds you with it she'll kill you anyway.
7. Anything you think is going into your "Man Cave." - I actually need these things now, and you don't. Don't fool yourself, a "Man Cave" is just a ploy so that she knows where to always find you. It wouldn't surprise me if the mirror you're planning on installing is see-through from the other side.
8. Any tickets you have already purchased for future sporting events - please see items 4 and 5.
9. Your subscriptions to Sports Illustrated and Golf Magazine - these are a "waste of time" and "you could be doing something productive."
10. Your golf clubs - I know this might be tough to hear, but your game is going to see a drastic decrease in quality. After a couple of years, the one time you golf each year will not be worth "the space they are taking up." Don't get caught up on the fact that it's not your choice to golf just once each year; you made other choices that led to this. The clubs you can rent at the course will do just fine. Besides two strokes, what is really the difference between a 102 and a 104? On top of that, your clubs won't even recognize you anymore.
11. Homemade brewing equipment - She probably thought it was kind of fun and cool at first, but just wait until your 1 or 2 beers after work suddenly qualifies you as an alcoholic. And do not think you can sneak a beer in the Man Cave - it's just not happening.
12. Any and all video game equipment and games - You are going to need video games like Eskimos need flip-flops.
13. Anything that you currently think looks "cool" on the wall - I guarantee she doesn't, and if you have numbers 1-12, I probably think it actually looks cool. Give it to somebody that appreciates it instead of throwing it away.

I'm sure there's something missing. Keep in mind that the more you and try and hold on to, the more you'll have to give up in the long run. Hope this hasn't changed your mind at all - it is a beautiful ring. The more of numbers 1-13 that you trade for the ring, the happier you both will be.

Lucky for me, my second wife hasn't even been born yet, so I'll have approximately 20-25 years to enjoy all of these wonderful worldly possessions! It would be a shame to see all of this go to waste. Please contact me with a list of what you're willing to trade.

Thanks, and good luck.